BRING IN THE NEW July 19, 2009

It’s fun to hate someone, i have to admit. It’s fun to get revenge, fun to think ill, fun to backstab, and perhaps, to virtually kill that person; sometimes, i get satisfaction in being bad. One thing i realized though, is that whenever i try to be bad, someone else tries to be evil, and when i try to be more evil, someone else tries to be demonic, and it just gets tiring to be bad because i know i’ll never be satanic enough. SO in its stead, when someone tries to bitch me or bully me or be bad to me, i hope i can be good. i want to choose not to compete in the battle for ‘who’s more evil?’, to choose to digress and be a better person. This life, after all, is too short to be lived in hatred. and it’s all good now, i’m trying to be good now.

BUT I’M TRYING TO BE TOO SAFE!

Lately, i have been a ghost in the circulation of UP Manila, in PH, in gimmicks, in coffee shops, in Momo, even in Adriatico. There have been times when i would get text messages or even calls from friends trying to resurrect me from what they call my grave which i, on the other hand, like to call my apartment. WHat’s wrong with enjoying time with myself, with my apartment mates, with my sister, and just occasionally going out? I guess i’m simply exposing myself to a number of people and playing safe. I don’t even blog much anymore nor do i get in touch with my closest friends. I don’t find it antisocial, but i guess you can call it that.

I have my reasons. Because i have experienced the fullness of life in doing good i never want to experience evil. I want to be safe and feel safe. I’m actually afraid of the evil taht’s outside, i’m afraid taht i’m not yet strong enough to say no to temptations and i’m afraid that i might give in. But then, a slap of reality told me that if that’s the case, then maybe i might as well be dead now. Playing too safe is like playing dead. Nobody sees you, nobody hears you, nobody hears from you, nobody knows about you anymore; you become but a mere memory.

And because i tried so hard to avoid doing wrong, i avoid even doing what’s right. I figured, i don’t like that, I want to expose myself and be proud of the change that’s taking place in my life right now. I want to be in the middle of chaos and be the only right thing that’s happening (bida-bidahan, i know), i want to be contagious.:D Why not?

And so i decided to join and venture into new organizations and rejoin my old organizations. Prove that i can and that i will avoid temptations. I can be good amidst everything. I can be with my friends and still choose to do right.

This shall be the start of a beautiful school year and growth.

I’m losing my coherence. BUt what the heck,

WELCOME BACK TO BLOGGING TOO.:)

Currently watching: My Sassy Girl
Currently feeling: challenged

TODAY WAS NAT SCI BOOTH DAY, POKER DAY AND TIDES DAY May 14, 2009

it’s amazing how very little things annoy me in such a consistent manner. I may sound irritable but i just have to say it. I have to let this frustration out or i swear, i will forever hold my piece– and that is not good.

It disturbs me when my space in plurk gets cramped. I do not appreciate it when i accept people’s invitations as friends because well, i thought we were, and then they just ignore me for the rest of my plurk life. I know it’s wrong to think that way, but i don’t like it. I know it’s not about me, but it’s not about them either. HELLO? we are friends! bottomline: Iwould appreciate it if the world sould get a little unconceited.

I hate it when people in facebook add me (i.e. my past friends and recent acquaintances) and just does so for the sake of gaining more friends and not to actually keep in touch.

Perhaps, my concept of social networking became concentrated on the concept of communication. I do not add for the sake of adding, and i guess, it’s wrong or me to think that way of other people. I want to reconnect with people through these social networks, i want to ‘interact’ and in the process, know more about them. I have developed this sense of intimacy betwwen friends, some sort of exclusivity when it comes to social networking, and i know that’s wrong. The very reason it’s called ’social network’ is because people can expand their network through these media. I suppose, onmy part, all i want is privacy among friends– which of course is impossible online.

I also do not like chatting with too many people at a time. I feel as if i’m losing my personal time. And i cater to them instead of them catering to me, which they cannot do considering they can’t do anything for me at all (yes, i am very much selfish and self-centered). I just want my private time online. ANd as much as i wanna choose the people i wanna chat with, they don’t choose me back.

I do not like people who talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. If you talk big, please deliver something of the same level. I will not expect anything less from you if you talk big about yourself and what you can do; if you disappoint me, you shall annoy me 50% of the time until you reroot your feet in the ground and know what you really CAN and CANNOT do.

I hate myself for being sensitive to these things.

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Today was the culmination of the things we’ve learnt in our Nat Sci class. For our class advocacy, we decided to put up a vandal board and have people sign it and voice out their own advocacies (re: environment). We stationed our booth at the gab lobby and manned it for some time. It was hella cool because we even had our own soundtrack/song. Aside from that, people were working together and we all got along (i think) even though we all came from such different courses. Also, I’m proud to say that i have contirbuted much to the idea, the concept of the vandal board and of course the song. The course was fulfilling although it cannot be denied that i had my personal downs. I believe it’s not an uno for me this time.

MY PLEDGE FOR NEXT SEM: EXERT ASTRONOMICAL EFFORT

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Today is also Poker day and Tides day. I got to know, again, a lot of new people and at the same time play poker with familiar faces. It was fun although i lost 50 bucks. oh well, i’m gonna get it back next time. 

During the whole experience, it dawned on me that my supposed batchmates will be graduating next AY and i shall be stuck here in UP, as a ‘06 student surrounded by new fishes in the sea. It was a relief at the same time though, because slowly, i am beginning to expand my network to the ‘06 people taht i never knew existed before.

It was an okay experience, fun even, how could it not be when they were such accommodating people. Especially sir Ken from SP.

Currently listening: Yiruma – When the Love Falls
Currently feeling: blah

MUST THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS May 1, 2009

Just like that, my month’s leaving me crestfallen yet again. This month never bore me any final, good memories. I can say though, that the ones it left made indelible marks on me– marks that I shall remember for the rest of all the other Aprils to come. I imagine the painful memories slowly arranging themselves neatly in heaps for my sake, not that it’s helping me in any way.

To put the icing on my already downhearted April spirit, I was reminded of where I stand and where I will forever be by two people. Amazing how they do it without lifting a finger. However, this entry will not be for ranting and sulking, although that phrase just implies that there ARE stuff that need to be ranted and sulked about.

erase. erase. I shall make this entry a HAPPY one.

I shall not live the last day of April in vain. And so, I recall all the fun memories I had this month.

1.) Being with funny friends inside a lonely classroom is one of funnest things I have experienced this April. It’s just plain wack.

2.) My tendon cyst, which has been obstructing the blood flow in my wrist, not to mention bugged me for the last 14 or so months is finally out and gone!

3.) Goind out with a dear friend that has almost been forgotten.

4.) Hearing people say they miss me.

5.) People telling me to load up! This just means they miss me so much they want me to reply to their walang kwentang messages. Still, I do not do as asked.

6.) Jam bringing me food in class; The Chef Tony’s popcorn which i had mostly to myself caused me to lose focus on the lecture. And tupperwares of sandwiches were just heavenly but they made my stomach churn afterwards (or was it aother food)! Oh my gorillas, it dawned on me that i can be bought and bribed by these things!

7.) Kim giving me those Tori Burch highs.

8.) After waiting for forever for Nirvana, the day finally came. I didn’t even realize I have been using Nirvana emoticons. It’s probably a late birthday gift from plurk. (http://plurk.com/)

9.) Knowing I’m not THAT materialistic at all; I have been offered several things but I chose to stick with the kuripot one, wait, that didn’t pay off. (Why’s this here? I don’t think this is a good thing at all).

10.) Going out with the BIRDIES after 100 years of waiting. Having fun, laughing hard and being stupid.

11.) Watching tons of movies: 17 Again, X-men Origins: Wolverine, Hannah Montana the Movie, Taken, Monsters vs Aliens, 7 Pounds, and many other movies I rewatched.

12.) Going up the mountains of far, far away aka Laguna.

13.) My birthday of course tops the list, for several, outstanding and memorable reasons.  

So, there are afterall, more things i should be rejoicing at than things i should be sulking about. Point is, I got another meaningful April for myself. I shall now leave April behind and welcome MAY with a newly-emptied shelf! (but i’m afraid I might contradict myself again)

Currently listening: Rob Thomas – Little Wonders
Currently feeling: happy